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Sunday, August 19, 2012
Thanking. Happy Eid to everyone who's celebrating Eid. Eid would be different this year without Nek Hah. I really miss my Nek Hah. :') Will always love her... I've been reading some posts from my old blogs.. (And yes, I've made them private. -_-") The reason why I still keep my old blogs is so that I can go through them when I find myself feeling down and in need of something that can help me to move forward. I don't want to fall prey to my own feelings and pessimism again. Reading old posts make me reminisce about the past. My pasts may not be the best, but without it, I wouldn't be here now. I used to remember all the counselling sessions I've attended, the depression I had felt, the isolation I had been through.. The problems with social life, and almost everything. The confusion I had felt before.. I am thankful to Allah for giving me those hardships cause now I know how to take care of myself. I have my counsellors and teachers to thank to too. They had never judged me and had gave me trillions of advices and motivations. I used to see them as bad people, but now that I am a counselling student myself, I had learnt to open my eyes and heart and accept the fact that they are my heroes. My saviour. They manage to get rid of my abhorrence of myself. They made me who I am today. Maybe that's why I miss them a lot. I still keep cikgu Mariam's emails. Her emails makes me remember the times being with her. The times where I was terribly vulnerable, but in her arms, I felt safe. She and cikgu Malek had helped me a great deal, and thanks to them, I am now a junior in their course of career ie counselling. I know now and understand what it is to be a counsellor. What principle they need to follow, the ethics they need to follow, etcetra.. Long story short, I learnt to live because of them.. Not to forget my friends.. Why would I forget my friends? I know I used to be in bad terms with a lot of people, but we made it through it alive.. But I still cannot forget the times where social life was terrible for me. In fact, the pain still lingers, and can still be felt. The memories are vivid. Now, social life is becoming more of an anxiety to me than it as an activity. I worry. Memories of being abandoned and isolated. To be alienated. To be different. Everything about social life makes me scared. Why am I typing this out? Easy. Cause today, I relapsed, and broke down. I need to type about things that I need to put in my mind so that I will not be depressed ; to be how I used to be in the past. I will not give up. Thank you, cikgu Malek, cikgu Mariam, cikgu Dayang Rokiah, cikgu Rakayah, cikgu Izat, cikgu Liyana, cikgu Zakiah, and to all my teachers. If I were to type each and every single one of you, then this post would be a long one.. I will make you all proud, and to be of an example to your current students now and later. Thank you my best friends, especially Zaf and Zyhah. Thank you all my friends of SK Gita, SMK Tunku Abdul Rahman Kuching, SMK DPAH Abdillah, KUIM, etc... Without you guys, life would be lonely.. And oh, maybe you would think it funny that I never mentioned my family.. :) I always think of my family, every day. But I need to thank people other than my family as well. 2:36 AM
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Madza ya'ni My life is based on the phrases stated in the Quran, where Allah has told us : 51:56 "And [tell them that] I have not created the invisible beings and men to any end other than that they may [know and] worship Me." and also, 2:30 "Note that occasion, when your Rabb said to the angels: I am going to place a vicegerent on earth. The angels said: "Will You place there one who will make mischief and shed blood while we sing Your praises and glorify Your name?" Allah said: "I know what you know not."" Our purposes of life has been clearly stated in the Quran, So, why do we still to continue live otherwise? Greater people Clearly speaking, these people down here are just wonderful people. Give them a ring-a-ding-ding once in a while! :) Ira (1) Ira (2) Farahin APG (Inche Gabbana) |
