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Monday, May 21, 2012
The future begins... As an eighteen year old girl (not exactly eighteen, but will be in a few days. :P), I come to realize that I am no longer a child and time won't go back to the past. And in fact, I don't want it to go back somehow.. I want to move forward and face my future. I want to be in the future than to go back to the past.. Maybe because there were too many pains and sorrow felt in the past, or maybe I'm just a tad bit excited for the future, only God knows.. In my journey to adulthood, life lessons were learnt, and hardship were given. But, what my teachers had taught me : It isn't life without having to deal with problems. :) Unlike my other siblings, I used to go to my teachers for advice rather than to go to my own family.. I used to put friends first then family. I used to be so intact with my friends, that whenever my family forbade me to befriend them, I would go on a strike and become very very depressed for weeks, months even.. It's a wonder how I can get rid of those behaviors... Now.. Posting a blog is like a habit for me.. A habit that I had had ever since I was in Form 2 (I was fourteen and vulnerable, and somehow blogging seemed to ease away so many pains..) and usually, all my posts are very very very very (ridiculously) depressing. -_-" After years of fighting against depression on my own, I guess I'm way through it by now.. Hopefully, and thankfully. I'll be going to University College of Islamic Melaka this June, while waiting for my UPU (in which I failed for the first intake). But somehow, I think this is the right thing to do. My heart and mind told me so, and I believe in myself that this will be the right thing to do. I'll be studying for a diploma in counselling. And everyone knows just how much I had always wanted to be a psychologist slash counselor just like my counselors in high school. I want to become a clinical psychologist, though and not a high school counselor. And I'm hoping that maybe one day, I'll prove to them that I, too, can become someone like them. No one actually understand why I want to become a psychologist so bad. In fact, I don't know EXACTLY why either. -.-" The sad sad truth.. It's just that, I just want to. I just feel like I have to become one. I need to become one.. I crave to become one.. I dream to become one.. I usually get bad impressions about my ambition to become a psychologist.. And yes, I don't really blame them.. My personality actually doesn't really fit to become one.. Patience is something that I really need to improve, and anger is something that I really need to learn how to control.. Not to forget to be easily offended by words, to be easily depressed.. In fact, quite surprisingly, I can become depressed in so many occasions. But.. I will go through life holding on to my counselors' words : Never to give up and just move forward and smile. I don't even know and understand about the reason behind this post. :/ It's rather ridiculous if I were to say so.. Cause it's 2.26 am, and I really can't sleep. Well, I can, but I'm forcing myself not to. I feel lonely. :| Updates on life : 1) Went to the specialist on Friday : Doctor gave me some meds and ointments or whatever they are.. Nothing severe about my back, thank goodness.. And I quite like the way the doctor was, cause I had been to a specialist before, and I didn't quite like the one that I used to go to before.. :C 2) Took my chest X-ray for my medical check-up : Written on the report was (the 'IMPRESSION' part, I don't know.. What do I look like? :/) : 'Left fibrotic lung changes.' And the doctor told me it was nothing to be worried about, but I am very curious about what it means.. When I asked my sister (and yes, my sister is almost finish with her studies to become a doctor herself! :D So proud to have a clever sister like her.) she told me it was something about scar tissue on the lung.. Still don't understand, and I give up in wanting to understand it now. -_-" 3) Flight has been booked : Mom, abang and kecik will be with me until registration day, and then bye-bye will be said.. Le sad face. 4) I feel lonely.. Oh wait.. This is not an update. :| Adios. No one will read this anyway. Huahuahuaaaaaa.... -.-" This feels awkward. Need. Life. Now. K. Bye. Stop. Typing. Mar. Stop. It. Now. NOW! aiosjdoiawheoiuawheo PS : I am lonely. :C 2:33 AM
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Madza ya'ni My life is based on the phrases stated in the Quran, where Allah has told us : 51:56 "And [tell them that] I have not created the invisible beings and men to any end other than that they may [know and] worship Me." and also, 2:30 "Note that occasion, when your Rabb said to the angels: I am going to place a vicegerent on earth. The angels said: "Will You place there one who will make mischief and shed blood while we sing Your praises and glorify Your name?" Allah said: "I know what you know not."" Our purposes of life has been clearly stated in the Quran, So, why do we still to continue live otherwise? Greater people Clearly speaking, these people down here are just wonderful people. Give them a ring-a-ding-ding once in a while! :) Ira (1) Ira (2) Farahin APG (Inche Gabbana) |
