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Sunday, May 26, 2013
Helping hands, and listening ears.  I have friends that care for me, friends that makes me smile, friends that are always there for me. And I keep forgetting about them whenever I am down. I keep forgetting that they have my backs and they are my family. I keep on forgetting that I can depend on them when I need some strength to move on. I can depend on them when I need some helping hands. I am forgetting my own advice and my own motto again and repeatedly forgetting everything. "Smile when it hurts, and get up when you can't." Always remember, Mar. Always. 
I understand this now. Innallaha ma'ana.
 6:07 PM
Thursday, May 23, 2013
19 years old. 
Happy birthday to me. I'm turning 19, and alhamdulillah, another year still breathing.
To me, birthdays are a reminder for us to keep on moving forward. It is a day that should be spent thinking on how to improve ourselves, for you see.. It may be our last birthday.
I don't see birthday to be an event that should be celebrated, but it should be cherished the most. Why? Birthdays are a sign and a counted period of how long we had lived in this world.
To me, it's kinda sad actually. I am 19, and then I began to remember.. What did I contribute in Islam? What did I contribute all these years? Sultan Muhammad al-Fateh has conquered Constantinople at the age of 21 (or was it 23), and had become the king (ruler) at the age of 19. And me? I'm still building my way up after I had been down for a few years.
So, my birthday today is a day that's supposed to make me be more motivated and determined to commit myself fully in Islam.
InsyaAllah. May Allah bless.
11:38 PM
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Happy Teachers' Day It's 16 May 2013. This year is the first year where I don't go and celebrate Teachers' Day with any of my teachers and any of my juniors, and also... Any of my friends. Somehow, I just miss school because of days like this.. Teachers. They teach. We all know that. But to me, they are more than that. They are my parents. My family. And I love them more than ever. I had always respected my teachers, though name calling, and back biting is normal. Eheh. :P But, somehow, only now I realize that they are the world to me. And ever since I left school, a dash of loneliness seeps into my life. It's like as if my entire life revolved around my friends and my teachers. It's like, all these while, my life only revolves in school. And to think back about it.. It's true. I did not have a life other than my school life. Sigh. Anyway... Today is a special day, and I always love Teachers' Day. I remembered a time when I was young, I wanted to be a teacher because I was inspired by one. Then in high school, I remembered that I wanted to be a school counsellor because my old school counsellors had inspired me a lot. So, you see... My teachers really mean the world to me, because, unlike other people.. They're like my first socialization agent, and they are the influences in my life that changed me. Ever since I left school, only then I began to realize what a pain I was back then. I totally drove my teachers up against the walls, and believe me, I really regretted everything! I must admit though, high school isn't something pleasant for me, but that doesn't decrease the love I have towards my teachers. Teachers. They not only teach me the syllabus in their subjects, but they taught me bigger things than that. They taught me about life. They were always there for me. They never give up in helping me. Though knowing of what I had done, they had supported me through everything. They never chase me out of their lives, when others did. They made me smile. They made me laugh. They hugged me. They put their trust in me. They made me a human. But, there is something that made me appreciate them and love them so dearly.. They were my saviours. I won't get into details on this, but they managed to stop me from doing something reckless when other people did not care and did not know or noticed. They are my heroes. Dear teachers, thank you for being another set of parents for me. Thank you for always being there, giving me advices when I was hit by depression. Thank you for all the hugs and appreciation you never fail to give me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for lending me an ear. Thank you for knowing and understanding me. Thank you. No other words can I say, but thank you. Most importantly, thank you for the helping hand. (No details required on this matter) Especially to 'Ibu' and 'Ayah'. You guys are the best. I miss you guys so bad. :') 'Ibu' and 'Ayah'.. Thank you for being an inspiration to me, for listening to my worries, tending to my anxiety, assuring me that everything will be fine, making sure that I grew up properly.. Thank you for accepting me. 
Dear teachers, I love you guys and I miss you guys a lot.
I'm sorry for being a pain at school. I'm sorry for always creating chaos. I'm sorry for everything.
I miss you guys a lot.
11:48 PM
Friday, May 10, 2013
Dear self... Dear self, stay strong. 
I need to remember that everything happens for a reason. Allah doesn't give something that is not beyond our capability to handle. But, I guess I'm becoming weaker. Weaker. And somehow, I'm falling into a deep depression again. But, I know I am not alone. Allah is always with me. Innallaha ma'ana. Innallaha ma'ana. Innallaha ma'ana.
Dear self,
stay convinced that there is a way to solve this.
If there isn't, stay strong.
This is just 1% of hardship given by Allah.
Allah knows what you know not, Mar.
Dear self,
when people leave you, know that Allah will give something better in the future.
Understand that Allah has planned something better for you.
Know that Allah is trying to test your faith,
trying to see whether you can make it through the end or not.
Dear self,
cry if you wish,
but stay strong.
Remember your life motto.
Smile when it hurts,
get up when you can't.
Dear self,
remember what your teachers told you.
Remember what your friends told you.
Remember what people keep on telling you.
Remember that you still have your friends beside you.
Backing you up from behind.
Stay happy.
Dear self,
life without pain is not life at all.
Life is never easy.
No one said it was.
You just have to swallow it,
and move on.
Remember what someone once told you?
"You have friends who care for you, don't put them out of the picture, they are your personal confidante."
InsyaAllah, I will remember those words.
 Wa la tahinu wa la tahzanu wa antumul a'launa inkuntum mukminin. 10:57 PM
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Friendship to ukhwah fillah. Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim Being in college has made me realize just how different my current social life to my social life in the past. Though, in both, I'm making friends, but somehow the present life makes me realize just how much meaningful those friendships were and are. To me, friends are the helpers in my life. Why is that so? Well, without them, I wouldn't be who I am now. In fact, I find them to be more like my family rather than just friends.  I relate my current situation with the above quote. Especially during rough times. And there are some truth that really saddens me regarding this quote. There are some points in life where true friends are needed. And, what is my definition of a true friend? A true friend is someone who sticks with you through thick and thin. They are people who selflessly volunteer themselves to be there with us. In fact, the supposed to be definition of a friend is someone who bring you towards goodness and not vice versa. That is why people always tell us to make friends wisely.  My point is strengthen by the above quotes. For you see, people's first impression of who we are, are based on the company that we keep. If we keep a company of the bad, then automatically people will label us as the bad. Though not all are like so, but all I can say is, who we befriend with really affects our lives. Friends are our first agent, alongside with our family, in our process of socialization (I learned this in sociology class), and we have the tendency to follow our groups way, just so that we can fit in. Subhanallah, the power of friendship eh? But now, I dislike to call it friendship, but I prefer to call it as ukhwah. I know that the word ukhwah has the same meaning as friendship, but I like to call it as so, just because I want to emphasize the seriousness I take towards ukhwah. To be even more serious, I prefer to call it ukhwah fillah, because, my intentions in making friends now s because I'm chasing to please my Creator, Allah swt. And when one friendship is created by iman (faith), it is a lot better and it'll last even longer. Believe me. I've been through this a lot.  All I can say, now, I have lots of friends in where I can fully say that I love them because of Allah. I have Zaf, Hazi, Zyhah, Siqin, Mira (Beb), and to be even more happy, I have all my new friends in KUIM. When talking about friends, words really fail me. I remembered the first time I stepped into KUIM. To be honest, I simply hated my first day in KUIM. >_< It was the worst, because it was my first time being alone in Peninsular without my family. I didn't have any friends at that time. Until I met Farahin. Subhanallah. Though Farahin wasn't my first acquaintance in college, but she was the first friend I made in college and alhamdulillah, we are still friends until now, though we seldom meet and hang out.  It's true, they are like stars. And I got to tell you, having to meet Farahin was the turning point of my life, for you see, I simply love her enthusiasm in everything, and her serious willpower really made me opened my eyes that I, too, want to be the same. And because of her, I got to meet with other awesome people, Ira for instance. Happy sigh~ And this semester I was given the chance to befriend with Abg Atif. He was the leader of our Unit Ceramah, and believe me, I will never regret anything. Though we only met for a few months, but I grew to like having him in my company of friends. I am sometimes jealous of his intelligence, but then, those jealousy eased whenever he shares his knowledge with us. And yes, I really miss his tazkirah a lot. And just recently, he really showed me what a true friend he is. Thank you, abg Atif. Thank you. Then there's my classmates. Especially Adda and Mira. Meeting them simply changed my behaviour completely, from being a mysterious loner to a happy-go-lucky girl. Well, not exactly happy-go-lucky, but still. :) They never fail to make me smile, and though I've only got to know them better in this semester, they are the best kind of people to hang out with, alongside with my other classmates. Kak Ayu, Kak Is, Kinah, Kirah, Teha and the others.  These are the best people I've ever met. With their craziness and the thrill and joy they gave. Subhanallah, I really miss them. And especially not forgetting my house-mates!  Allahu rabbi! Bless them with your love and compassion, for because of You, I love them dearly! :')  Here's a song, and though we're not graduating yet (though the asasi students are), still, this is a good song. "As we go on, we remember all the times we had together, And as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever." InsyaAllah, Ukhwah fillah abadan abada! :D Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for sharing laughs, tears, and pain with me. Thank you for giving me advices. Thank you for reminding me when I'm careless. Thank you for everything. Just simply thank you. You just don't know how much I value our friendship. Uhibbukum fillah! :')  Thank you for colouring my life! :) I'm sorry if I ever made wrong, or I did something that intentionally or unintentionally hurt you. :) 11:53 PM
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Madza ya'ni My life is based on the phrases stated in the Quran, where Allah has told us : 51:56 "And [tell them that] I have not created the invisible beings and men to any end other than that they may [know and] worship Me." and also, 2:30 "Note that occasion, when your Rabb said to the angels: I am going to place a vicegerent on earth. The angels said: "Will You place there one who will make mischief and shed blood while we sing Your praises and glorify Your name?" Allah said: "I know what you know not."" Our purposes of life has been clearly stated in the Quran, So, why do we still to continue live otherwise? Greater people Clearly speaking, these people down here are just wonderful people. Give them a ring-a-ding-ding once in a while! :) Ira (1) Ira (2) Farahin APG (Inche Gabbana) |
