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Saturday, October 13, 2012
Sarcasm (?) Another self-reflection post, insyaAllah. Sarcasm. The use of irony to mock contempt. The use of unpleasant remarks intended to hurt a person's feeling. Its synonym : wit, irony. The irony. Basically, sarcasm can be defined in so many ways and in so many words, and it is almost similar to that of irony and wit. And directly speaking, SARCASM works to hurt one's feeling, and I don't mean the UNINTENTIONALLY but this is with deliberate purpose. And yes, everyone knows and how it felt like to be strike with SARCASM. Sometimes, when communicating, we tend to use sarcasm, whether for fun or deliberately to hurt someone, and yes, sarcasm is cruel. At times, sarcasm can go out of hand and when that happens, it is call verbal bullying. Astaghfirullahalazim.. How sarcasm works is a wonder, doesn't it? And the question that we should ask ourselves : Why commit sarcasm? Why mock people? Why do we use unpleasant remarks on people? Why do we sometimes do it unintentionally or deliberately? Why? The question we should point it out to ourselves, and the answers lies within ourselves and no one else can answer the question for us. Let's just reflect back and think. :) 2:40 PM
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
InsyaAllah... Been reading Angel Wears Gucci and Tarbiyah Dzatiyah lately. A lot of things can be learnt by reading these two blogs. First of all, I learnt more and more about Islam itself, and I become even more excited and enthusiastic in wanting to learn more of Islam. InsyaAllah, in order for me to change, or for anyone to change, one must change their intention not for Duniawi, but for Ukhrawi. Alhamdulillah, I am given this nur aka hidayah or in simple English, this light to brighten up my darken life. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah, the ar-Rahman and ar-Rahim. When we talk about intentions, only one thing that comes into my mind : Hadith 1 in the Hadith 40, where it talks about our intentions. "Verily, deeds are only with intentions. Indeed, every person will get rewarded only for what they intended. Therefore, whoever emigrated for worldly reasons or for a woman, then his emigration is for what he has emigrated to." [Sahih Bukhari, Book 1, Number 1] It clearly talks about our intentions. What I know from this hadith is about a guy (whom I can't remember the name) during the eras of Rasulullah saw. At the time where Rasulullah wanted to Migrate from Makkah to Madinah, the guy's intention was to marry a lady in Makkah. The lady's condition for the guy was that he join Rasulullah to migrate from Makkah to Madinah. So, his intention to join Rasulullah was only merely to marry the lady, and alhamdulillah, he got what he wanted. From the story, it is to say that, we will be rewarded based on our intentions. If we do something, like for example, helping a lecturer with his books, and hoping that we will get a reward, then insyaAllah, we will be rewarded. But, wouldn't it be better if our intentions are for Allah swt? Wouldn't it be better to change our motives and intentions from only making Duniawi as its priority, to Ukhrawi as our priority? For verily, Jannah is for eternity, insyaAllah. As a student (which includes moi), our intentions are usually because we want to achieve our dreams and some of us may be studying because of their parents, and insyaAllah, with enough motivation and will and also work, we will get what we wanted ie to achieve our dreams together in making our parents proud, but actually, have it ever occurred in our minds to change our intentions in studying now for the sake of Islam and Allah? As for me, (insyaAllah, I will try and not become 'riak' in this post) I started changing my intentions in taking counselling ever since I lived with kakak for 3 months (or so) in Australia (alhamdulillah). At first, before stepping into the land of Kangaroos, my intentions in taking Counselling (actually it was psychology) was because I wanted to become a psychologist and to change others perspectives of me and to make people understand and believe that I am no longer what I was. But after being with kakak for a few months and experience what she experienced there, it actually opened my eyes that my intentions are just merely selfish intentions. Why think only me, when I could be thinking about my brothers and sisters of Islam globally? During my stay in Australia, what I experienced was different from what we feel in Malaysia, for Malaysia is an (somehow) Islamic country and Australia is not. The first expression I gave the first time I stepped into the land of Kangaroos was Subhanallah, how beautiful the place is. Gold Coast, Newcastle, Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne... Everything there is just beautiful. Now, back to the topic. At first, I thought people in Australia was not supportive towards Muslims, but I was clearly wrong. A majority of people there respects us Muslims and can still live in harmony (though I've met a few people who still thinks Muslims are terrorists, astaghfirullahalazim), just like in Malaysia. But what made me love Australia more than my own homeland was the fact that the chance in committing oneself in dakwah is more challenging and more prevalent than in Malaysia. It melted my hard and ignorant heart about Islam ; the beauty of Islam and the fighting spirits of Muslims prevailed at that time. To think back, it brought me back to tears. What I had gained in Australia was what opened my eyes and heart and made me realize the times of jahiliyah I had spent over the years and at that very moment, I wanted to change, and become a better Muslimah, insyaAllah. Okay. Back to intentions. After my stay in Australia, I began to change my intentions in taking counselling or psychology. At first because I want to change others perspectives of me and to become a psychologist (which insyaAllah I will strive for these too), but now, I want to change my intentions. Maybe people think that I am not someone big enough to make a change, but in the Quran has said (forgive me if I am wrong), which not entirely the exact words of the Quran, but it said "..Share about Islam, even by one word..." Allahu a'lam, I can't remember if it's a hadith or a sentence in the Quran, but that I will keep grasping and hold firm in my heart. InsyaAllah. I will become a psychologist, not just because I enjoy studying about people, no. InsyaAllah, one day, I'll become a psychologist to study people's mind at the same time to share about Islam to people. To try and change their perspectives of Islam. To engage themselves in Tarbiyyah. To make them understand that Islam is the way of life. To make them realized that the Quran is Allah's love letter for us. To make people start changing themselves not only for the better, but going the right way. I want people to feel what I had felt in my 3 months stay in Australia. I want people to feel the beauty of Tarbiyyah and Hidayah. I want people to feel unconditioned love towards one another because Muslims are brother and sisters without bond. We are bonded by our love of Islam, and Islam itself is beauty. I want people to feel their hearts melt towards the wonders that Allah has given us. I want them to shed tears for fear of Allah, and for Rasulullah's unconditioned love for us. I want people to take Islam as their way of life and do it with strong intentions because of their love of Allah and Rasulullah, and wishes not to disappoint and upset them. Subhanallah, Allahuakbar. Words can't even describe my will and spirit in committing myself in such a big work, but I want to do it. I know I can do it. I want to die while committing myself in dakwah. I want to live down my past sins and make a better life by fully engaging myself in Islam. Subhanallah. I don't want to feel or want to become close to 'Riak' or anything vile, but I just want to change for Allah. I want to love because of Allah. I want to do everything because of Allah, and with every change, there will always be hardship. But insyaAllah, I know for certain, Allah is always with me ; with us. Allahuakbar. Pray for everyone. Before changing others, we need to change ourself. Assalamualaikum and lailatul saidah, ma'assalamah wa ilalliqa'. :) 12:16 AM
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Self reflection. Two posts in a day. A start of something new, perhaps? When we talk about responsibility, we are talking about being serious. Cause with responsibility, comes problems, and with a combination of both responsibility and problems, we are becoming more and more matured. What has responsibility got to do with me today? Okay. Basically, I am a sister. An older sister to my little sister, and a little sister to both my older sister and my brother. Which entirely means that I am the third of four siblings. Now, you may be asking yourself.. Why am I telling you this? In growing up to becoming who am I now, today, at this very moment, it took a lot of effort and hardship. I've faced days of depression, days of self-hatred, days of being confused about life, until one day I found out that everything about life is to be appreciated and to be thankful of. What my mistake was in the past was that I forgot about Islam. I forgot to thank Allah for everything. I forgot the beauty of life itself. I grew up as a rebellious teen. Always wanting everything to be fun and free of rules. Doing reckless and stupid things. And then just like that, I was isolated. Abandoned by my friends. (Not exactly every single one of them ; I still have a few close and best friends now, alhamdulillah) What I thought I was doing in the past were actions I thought was right, when truth be told would be were just wrong. To break the rules, and to break the law, was that what I call fun before? Astaghfirullahalazim.. What my past has to do with today's post? Easy. I am a sister who has a responsibility to take care of my little sister. Everyone knows that I really love her. If anything were to happen to her, I would easily cry. In fact, just thinking of something bad were to happen to her will make me cry. My love towards my little sister (and my other siblings) are that strong. Despite being a rebellious teen before, what people always misinterpret me was that I am a heartless teen, which actually is cruel, mean and not true. I have a heart. I have emotions. Everyone has emotions. We were created with emotions. It is how we control our emotions that needs to be thought of. Despite being reckless and stupid before, what I've learnt from those moments were love. I learnt to love people around me rather than I stayed as a depressed and moping teen, in which I think I was just being ridiculous at the time. To take care of my little sister takes a lot of work and pain, and actually, it made me think.. Was I that hard to raise before? Am I even harder to raise than her? Will my little sister become me? What will happen if she were to become like me before? What will be my response? What actions should I take to prevent that from happening? I know I shouldn't be over-thinking (or else I'll destroy myself with more and more anxious thoughts), but I need to reflect towards my past actions. I am trying to prevent, to avoid, to not let what my past happen to my little sister. She is too precious for me, and I want her to be better than me. And actually, everyone expects her to be better than me. What do I expect from her? Am I, or are we putting too much of a burden on her? The answer to that question lies in her, and I have no rights or has no exact answer to that question. But what I expect from her is this phase now. She's 13 and she will eventually take a toll in the rebellious phase. I fully understand what she feels. Peer pressure is the best killer medicine there is. Although there are kinds of peer pressure which can lead to positivity, but somehow, it's hard to find those these days. When my little sister cries, I become upset and though at times I am mad at her, but my love of her grow firm and stronger each day. There are just times where I would accidentally burst my flames at her (which actually is a terrible habit I have ever since form 2), but I would feel guilty after that. But you know, it kills me now that I don't know her current actual condition in Kuching. The second question has two answers : Yes and no. As a family, to put hope in each member is something normal. But to put too much hope becomes a burden at times. I may not know or even come close to understand about the current state of my little sister's mental mind, but I know that sometimes it becomes her burden, especially now, with the current situation that we all have to face at the moment. I can't even come close to understanding what her emotions are giving with the current situation she has to face now. Now, all I need to do is pray for the best, for kakak, abang and kecik.    And yes, I don't have a PROPER picture of my brother. :/ And yes, I miss my family.  And here's the queen of my heart. :) <3 I love my family, and I miss them.. :( It's still a long way to go till I'm back in Kuching... 7:49 PM
Pride and arrogance. Let's talk about pride and arrogance. Now, if I were to define these two words, I can't find any words to define them at all. So let's look and search for them in the dictionary. What the dictionary defines pride : To feel proud at your own or other's achievement. Now let's try arrogant : Someone who thinks that they are better or more important than other people. To differentiate between them seems clear -- for me, but I'm not sure about others. I've been thinking, am I pride or am I arrogant? :( Cause you see, in the Quran, Allah has made it clear to us that arrogant is something we should not practice, cause if we do, Jannah will be far and not near to us. :( "And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height." (al-Isra' : 37) I want to change to a better me. InsyaAllah, I am trying. I will not give up. Never again. But, who am I to say such things, when I myself has befallen to the hands of the devil at times? :( Ya Rabb, forgive me for I have sinned. :'( 12:26 PM
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Life in KUIM Whenever people talk about their life in where they're currently studying at, I realize just how lucky I am to be in KUIM. We may not be of the highest prestige like any other universities eg UIA, but from here, I learnt lots of things and most importantly, I learnt to stay in touch with Islam (although I may have failed to detect some current news or issues now, but nevertheless I try to stay in touch). People look down at me, because 1) I am a diploma student 2) I am taking counselling as my course 3) People are comparing me with the past 4) I am currently in a college where the name doesn't ring the bell that much. That's just sad actually. People look down at me without having to understand the situation that this is, insyaAllah, the most rational choices I've made so far in my life. InsyaAllah, one day I will succeed just like any other student in any other universities. People are judgemental because they see me as not that qualified to enter an Islamic college, together in taking a diploma in COUNSELLING. But, have it ever occurred in their minds that, I, Mardyati, have the rights to choose what course I want to take, cause it has been my dream in taking counselling as a course.. (Though I would rather have psychology, but it is almost the same, in a way or other) I've been in KUIM ever since June, and alhamdulillah, everything is swell. In fact, I grew to love KUIM. Maybe at first I was down, because : 1) I did not know anyone 2) It was my first experience being in Peninsular alone, without any Sarawakian friends 3) I had never lived on my own without my mom telling me what to do 4) I miss my family But now that I've been here (just for a few months), I've really learnt a lot. From zero knowledge, to lots of knowledge (though I still doubt that I am gaining a lot). Since before life in KUIM I was reckless and ridiculous, now I am still in the process of developing maturity in my life, and taking my future more seriously than when I was in high school. I have everything to thank for now. What I've learnt in counselling and psychology classes made me realized that I am fortunate enough to be able to learn these things after longing to learn them ever since I was 14. My dreams are coming true, and I couldn't become even more grateful to Allah for giving me this chance to strive and prove to people I am able to change and become a better person, altogether erasing their perspective of me, and developing a new perspective of me in a more positive way. InsyaAllah, I will ensure that will be a reality. That will be my milestone. :) Life in KUIM. From friendless, to many friends, alhamdulillah. When at first I thought I would lonely and without friends here in KUIM, Allah has given me the best kind of people to be my friends here. My house-mates and classmates are what I have to be happy about. :) Without them, I wouldn't have found my identity and change to be better. Although at times I am annoyed and insulted, but nothing in life is pain-free. Friendship is, insyaAllah, something that I will hope to last for eternity. All my friends had taught me countless things about life, Islam, friendship, family, and so many other things. I gain more knowledge from just their existence. To be able to gain my trust of people again. To be able to smile like how I used to before. To be able to feel content. Despite having problems with anxiety a little, with just their presence, everything feels at ease. Lecturers are people that I look up to. I respect them so much. I find them to be amazing people, even though I don't know them that much. Their ability to make me open my eyes towards the world is enough to make me love them just like my mother (though I must say, I love my mom more). :) Seniors in KUIM are great people. When they held programs and events, I find them to be an example for me. InsyaAllah, I will try to be active in KUIM because : 1) I need to boost my confidence 2) I am trying to get rid of my social anxiety 3) I want to make life in KUIM memorable 4) I want to change myself 5) I love KUIM InsyaAllah.. I will try my very best. And I am thinking of furthering my studies here in KUIM for degree. InsyaAllah, a degree in Psychology. :) Jzkk for reading. PS : Finals are next week. Bittaufiq wannajah fil imtihan! InsyaAllah, I will try my best! My prayers are to everyone. PPS : Pray for our brothers and sisters in Islam. InsyaAllah, our prayers will be heard by Allah. 10:40 AM
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Madza ya'ni My life is based on the phrases stated in the Quran, where Allah has told us : 51:56 "And [tell them that] I have not created the invisible beings and men to any end other than that they may [know and] worship Me." and also, 2:30 "Note that occasion, when your Rabb said to the angels: I am going to place a vicegerent on earth. The angels said: "Will You place there one who will make mischief and shed blood while we sing Your praises and glorify Your name?" Allah said: "I know what you know not."" Our purposes of life has been clearly stated in the Quran, So, why do we still to continue live otherwise? Greater people Clearly speaking, these people down here are just wonderful people. Give them a ring-a-ding-ding once in a while! :) Ira (1) Ira (2) Farahin APG (Inche Gabbana) |
